Travel Advice for the Word-Conscious Wayfarer
by Mark Peters
Summer is the time for journeys, journey-themed issues, and, sadly, tours by a bogus version of the band Journey as well.
But, unless you're a hero, "journey" just doesn't seem like the proper word for your voyage to Jamaica or sojourn in Cousin Billy's basement. So what should you call your summer vacation, besides, well, a summer vacation?
Fear no more, little ones. With some help from the Oxford English Dictionary-the Bible of the English tongue, but with less seven-headed beasts I'll help you converse with confidence about all your roaming. Read and roam on.
•"Pilgrimage" has had a tempting and traditional ring to it since around 1275, and according to the OED, a pilgrimage is made to "a sacred place as an act of religious devotion." So next time you describe your pilgrimage to the Burning Man festival, where you'll drop acid, lick strangers, and barf burritos, say it with a little respect.
• I was surprised to find the original, non-jaunty meaning of "jaunt" was a "fatiguing or troublesome journey." Considering that the word first turned up in Romeo and Juliet, this doesn't bode well for summer jaunts. But if you simply must jaunt, my crystal ball tells me you'd best 1) bring a vat of grain alcohol or 2) leave your cuddle-monkey at home.
• Speaking of monkeys, Charles Darwin is the first known hairy ape to use the word "constitutional" in the sense of "a walk taken for health's sake, or for the benefit of the constitution." I often take constitutionals with Monkey, who is a rat terrier puppy yet shares little evolutionary history with rats or monkeys. Now what were we talking about?
• Since 1886, English speakers have been using "odyssey" to describe not only Homer's poem but any "long series of wanderings," chock full o' adventure. Unfortunately, your attempt to find the bathroom at 3 a.m. probably doesn't qualify.
• A "safari" may smell like good, wholesome, nearly-get-eaten-by-a-bear-sorta fun, but to live up to the original use of the word in the nineteenth century, you'd better go on foot in East Africa. On the other hand, in 1849 a trek required an ox-wagon, a South African address, a couple of weeks, and no pointy ears.
• Before committing to a zesty life of "vagabondage," be warned: precious few candlelit nipples and romantic ropes are involved. You'd be better suited to a life of "vagabondism," as it'll be clear from jump that you're no cross between Ron Jeremy and MacGyver: you're just a bum.
I hope this helps as you ride, drive, cruise, tour, fly, hitchhike, trail blaze, or stumble your way out of here. And don't worry about your room it'll be maintained like a relic at the Smithsonian, and there's no way we're even considering renting it out to Cousin Billy.